In Memory of SFC Richard Henkes II

In Memory of SFC Richard Henkes II

On September 3, 2006 my dear friend, Tamara Henkes, lost her brother Rich.
On September 11, 2006 I attended my first military memorial.  On that day, Memorial Day became personal to me.

My dearest Tamara, I am so sorry for the loss of your brother Richard.  I thank God for his service to The United States of America.  I thank you and your family for the sacrifice that you have given.  I pray that God will bring you comfort and peace as you reflect on Richard's life.  I love you.

Originally Posted Monday, May 25, 2009
In Honor of Richard J. Henkes, II:
"The Forgotten Mourners"

My dear friend, Tamara Henkes,
lost her brother on Sunday, September 3rd of 2006.




Richard J. Henkes, II, died in Mosul, Iraq
serving his country with pride.



"He loved what he was doing,
and he was very, very good at what he did.
It's what he knew and believed in."



"He believed in serving his country and
doing something
that would have a positive effect.
He believed he was doing something
for the greater good."


"...Always the jokester...
But be could also be very quiet.
He was very serious about what he was doing for a living.
He was a very caring and compassionate person."


Rich was awarded the Purple Heart and the Bronze Star.


"Rich always knew he wanted to be a soldier and believed in the mission in Iraq."


Rich grew up in Oregon and graduated from Clackamas High School in 1992 where he wrestled, ran track and was involved in band. He enlisted in the U.S. Army immediately after graduation.


Gwen Kalvelage, a friend of the Henkes family, visited this memorial in Salem, Oregon.
She granted me permission to use these photos.


Often, siblings are "the forgotten mourners."
Their grief often pushed to the side or discounted in preference to parents, spouses or children.


My small gesture... to comfort my friend,
to honor her brother... and to never forget the sacrifice made by our military.


Greater love hath no man than this,
that a man lay down his life
for his friends. John 15:13 KJV

Summer Bible Studies 2013

Summer Bible Studies 2013

Portland Christian Center

503-245-7735

Hospitality Center

9:30-11:30am

No Childcare Currently Available

Bible Study 1
June 4th-July 16th

When Godly People Do Ungodly Things: Arming Yourself in the Age of Seduction - Member Book by Beth Moore provides a personal study experience five days a week plus viewer guides for the group video sessions of this in-depth women's Bible study. In this biblical guide to authentic repentance and restoration Beth examines why devoted followers of Jesus Christ can fall into the traps of Satan.

Believers are still subject to Satan's attacks. He is determined to disrupt the lives of Christians, destroy their ministry, and steal their joy. Sadly, those who have "fallen" may not recognize the devil's schemes until they have already been caught in a snare of defeat. This six-week study is written in three parts. The first part is a warning to believers, while the second part shows women how to prepare for attacks by the Enemy. The third part is directed to those who have been snared by seduction, and compassionately points the way back to God.


Member Book (workbook) is optional.  I am selling them for $15.
No homework prior to first session.

June  4th, Introduction
June 11th, Week 1 The Warning
June 18th, Week 2 God's Permissive Will
June 25th, Week 3 The Watchman
July  2nd, Week 4 WISE UP!
July  9th, Week 5 The Way Home
July 16th, Week 6 Safe in His Embrace



Bible Study 2
July 23rd - September 3rd

No Other Gods: Confronting Our Modern-Day Idols by Kelly Minter.  Our lives revolve around our deepest needs and greatest treasures. Relationships. Family. Financial security. Private hopes and dreams. Most of our desires are healthy. Yet these longings can become passions we not only pursue, but worship. And while idol worship may seem like ancient history, we still face the modern-day equivalent, as natural needs slowly consume our hearts and minds, competing with God's rightful place in our lives.

This study offers a revealing look at the heart of a woman. We will discover what happens happens when good desires become false gods, robbing us of an intimate relationship with our heavenly father. So discover the freedom in surrender. The healing in worship. And the joy found in exchanging everyday gods for the one true God.


Member Book (workbook) is $12.95.  This study is discussion based.  No DVD.
Week 1:  Personal Pharaohs (pages 8-29) should be completed by July 23rd, so that we can discuss it at our first meeting.

July   23rd, Session 1:  Personal Pharaohs
July   30th, Session 2:  Why Idols?
August  6th, Session 3:  Lies
August 13th, Session 4:  The Problem With Idols
August 20th, Session 5:  Good Goodbyes
August 27th, Session 6:  God of Gods
Sept.   3rd, Session 7:  The Road Ahead & Session 8:  Making Room



Portland Christian Center Fall Series Gideon by Priscilla Shirer will begin on September 10th.

In The Shadow Of Terrorism: The Day After

MY ACTUAL SOCIAL MEDIA POSTS FROM AN AIRPLANE SITTING ON THE TARMAC OF THE BOSTON (LOGAN) AIRPORT THE DAY AFTER THE BOSTON MARATHON BOMBINGS:

My current view... Unfortunately our plane has been grounded due to security reasons.  Hope to make it back to Portland today.

LATER:

They had taken two guys off the plane for questioning and then let them back on the plane.  They started acting suspicious so passengers got nervous.  Please keep me and anthony and christopher in your prayers.  Still waiting on plane.

LATER THAT DAY: 

Home and watching the news. Shocking to also see the United Flight that we were on this morning is National news. Two men were removed from our plane. We were almost taking off when they stopped the plane and returned to the tarmac. Federal marshals boarded the plane and removed them. Anthony was sitting beside one of them and I was right behind him. Freaky 24 hours! Grateful for your prayers!

April 16, 2013

We boarded our flight.  It was the day after the Boston Marathon Bombings.  We were leaving Boston and headed home to Portland via Chicago.  We had just been through the gauntlet of FBI agents, ticketing agents and Boston Police who had asked us if we had seen or heard anything strange just the day before.  We shared what little we knew, shuddered, and then headed to our plane.

We didn't have seats together.  Anthony had the window seat 22F and Christopher and I were sitting in 23D and 23E.  We thought once we got on the plane the person in 23F would surely switch seats with us so we could sit together as a family.  But that was not the case.  A petite woman wearing her Boston Marathon jacket refused to move.  She would want to see who would be sitting in the middle seat before she would agree to move.  I loudly huffed as she infuriatingly announced that SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO MOVE.  Which I agreed, but after what had happened the day before I thought everyone was going to be kind and gracious.  She wasn't.  And so I wasn't.  I felt the best way to spite her was for me to sit next to her.  I would be in the middle seat next to her.  Now, wasn't she glad she hadn't moved?

We had gotten settled in.  Shoved and stuffed our bags under our seats.  The other passengers were getting settled into their seats and it appeared that Anthony would have the middle seat next to him OPEN.  And so then she says SHE'D BE WILLING TO MOVE now.  I smirkingly said NO THANKS.  And that was that.

Next thing we know a few more passengers scurry on board.  One gentleman sits in the middle seat next to Anthony and the other sits in 24C.  Just catty-corner to Christopher.  Just behind him.  Within moments two Federal Marshals enter the plane.  Walk down the aisle.  Stop at Anthony's row.   And try to get the attention of the passenger that is now sitting next to Anthony.  The name they were saying belonged to the other passenger sitting in 24C.  But the Marshals asked both of the men to grab their belongings (of which they had none) and exit the plane for a few minutes.

Everyone around us is alert to what just occurred.  We are relieved they are off the plane since the Marshals felt they should be.  Settled back and waited for the doors to close.

But the doors didn't close.

Within moments one of the flight attendants walks down the aisle and stops at Anthony's row.  She quietly addresses rows 22 and 24 THE GENTLEMEN ARE COMING BACK ON THE PLANE.  PLEASE BE AWARE OF ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS AND LET US KNOW.

Gulp.

At that moment I knew Anthony was sooo glad that he hadn't switched seats.  He let the lady in 22D know that they could both interrogate passenger 22E.  And I knew I needed to give passenger 23F grace.  Lots of grace.  I had just been through a Sunday School class that had been teaching on not keeping offenses.  Not only for the benefit for others but for ourselves, too.  So I slowly started to thaw.

Passengers 22E and 24C returned to their seats.  We were all on super high alert.  I couldn't see anything, but could hear passengers 22E and 24C conversing loudly in Arabic.  The plane was taxi-ing to take off and the plane was quiet except for the words spoken in Arabic.

BING!

The passenger in 24F rang his call button.  Because we were literally about to take off one of the flight attendants quickly said over the intercom PLEASE RING YOUR CALL BUTTON AGAIN IF THIS IS AN EMERGENCY WE ARE ABOUT TO TAKE OFF.  And, again, came the sound BING!  A flight attendant rushed back to row 24 asked the passenger in 24F what they needed and they replied THE BATHROOM.  I expected to look back on their seat and discover a mess, but it wasn't.  As the pilot pulled back on the plane passenger 24F went to the back of the plane and DID NOT enter the bathroom but went to the galley to speak with the flight attendant.

Silence.  Well, almost silence.  Everyone was silent.  Except passenger 24C.  He was immediately on his cell phone.  And that's when I realized that I was nervous.  I was nervous and I was glad that Christopher was asleep.  And I started to pray and realize that my fear was not going to change anything.

Ultimately, the plane stayed on the tarmac for about an hour.  Multiple Federal Marshals boarded the plane and had to remove AGAIN passenger 24C from at that point the bathroom and 22E next to Anthony.  They pulled the plane up to a gate.  Had all of the passengers removed from the plane.  Searched the plane with bomb-sniffing dogs.  And then let all of the passengers back on the plane.  Except for passengers 24C and 22E, of course.  We found out later that the passenger that had rung his call button told the flight attendant in the back of the plane that he would not fly with passengers 22E and 24C.  Either they were off the plane or he was.

We reboarded the plane.  My seat mate had offered to switch seats with Anthony this time, but he said NO.  He wanted the open seat next to him.  And that was fine.  She ended up apologizing for her initial reaction saying that someone had spoken harshly to her earlier in the day and had taken it out on me.  I accepted her apology.  And then offered one of my own.  And then we had a non-eventful flight to Chicago.

As I would recount the story later, people were determined that the only reason the passengers (22E & 24C) were removed was due to PROFILING.  That the other passengers were profiling the two men speaking Arabic.  That angered me.  That wasn't true.  I blamed the flight attendant who came back initially and put the FEAR into us by asking us to report anything SUSPICIOUS.  I blamed the Federal Marshals for initially making a HUGE deal of taking the men off the plane in the first place.  And then letting them back on the plane.  But ultimately, I blame the terrorists who set off bombs at the Boston Marathon.

Not that blame is going to make a difference.  No difference.  REALLY.  It doesn't even feel good to blame.  It doesn't help me process it all. 

But telling the story does.  I think getting it out of my head.  And trying to put the pieces together.  It is happening slowly.

There's still more story to tell.

But it will wait for
another day.

A Photo

It was over 24 hours before it happened.

Christopher and I had decided to be part of the B.A.A. 5K on Sunday morning, April 14th, 2013.  I mean... we would get a medal and a t-shirt and actually cross the same finish line of the Boston Marathon.  Why not?  It is good exercise.  Anthony came to cheer us.  Even brought a cowbell.

It was a gorgeous morning.  Walking the streets of Boston.  Trees in spring bloom.  Looking at the beautiful Brownstones.  Passing by the iconic Bull & Finch Pub which was the model for the TV show "Cheers."  Having the opportunity to take it all in while the streets were closed and most people were just waking up for their morning cup of coffee. 

Walking.  Enjoying the beauty.  Enjoying the quiet.  The peacefulness of it all.  I was walking and most everyone was finished the 5K.   It seemed like I had the city of Boston to myself. 

As I approached the finish line, I started to take photos with my iPhone.  I am not even sure why.  I guess I thought that normally those crossing this finish line are running so fast they don't get to stop and take a photo.  To take in the grandeur of it all.  To experience the moment. 

Because the next day this area would be so crowded. 
So very crowded. 
So very difficult to get to.
I probably wouldn't get to see it.
Wouldn't get to see Anthony actually cross the finish line.
There would be so many people.

And so as I crossed the finish line, I stopped.  I turned around and took a photo.  Anthony was waiting for me, so I took it quickly and then went to meet him.

Not realizing that this photo would look so familiar.  Because for the next week I would see this vantage point on the television over and over, again.  Over and over, again.  Over and over, again.

Hot tears still fill my eyes.  I am hoping words will bring my mind some clarity.

Because the next day everything looked different. 

"If You've Lost Faith, Borrow Mine"

Some men brought to him
a paralytic, lying on a mat.

When Jesus saw their faith,
he said to the paralytic,
"Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven."
Matthew 9:2 NIV

She told me that they had stopped praying for her daughter-in-law numerous times. Just given up. Too tired. Too much time. No change.

But she came up to the altar for prayer last week. One more time. One more desperate prayer. And we prayed together for her daughter-in-law. "For where two or three have gathered..."

Today she hurried to greet me. She was excited. Ecstatic. Grateful to God. Her daughter-in-law finally FINALLY agreed to get the help she needed for her alcoholism.

And I stopped in my tracks. And held her tight. And was amazed.

I was listening to a book by John Maxwell last week. He spoke of a young preacher named Kevin who went off to start a church... but had become disillusioned with the results... and Kevin wearily returned to his mentor to tell him that he had failed. And his mentor said to him, "Kevin, if you've lost faith, borrow mine."

Are you disillusioned? Weary? Have you been praying and wondering if the Lord will come through? Does it have to do with addiction? Rejection? Fear? Health? Finances? What is it? What are those dusty prayers? The ones that break your heart?

Because today, I've come to tell you... If you've lost faith, borrow mine.

When Jesus healed the paralytic in Matthew 9, He did it when He saw "their faith." Not the faith of the paralytic. But those who carried him. Who carried him on his mat.

And today... I'm offering... to carry your mat.

This is not a one-time offer. And I am the type who will want to pray with you, but understand that sometimes you don't even know how to pray for yourself. I've been there. And I've leaned on the faith of others. I've borrowed their faith... until I could find my own, again.

Because earlier today I had the privilege of praying with another woman. With her own heartbreak. And I was wondering... Lord, how will You answer this prayer?

If we are faithless,
He remains faithful,
for He cannot deny Himself.
2 Timothy 2:13 NASB

Even when my faith is lacking... it doesn't make God less faithful. He will always be faithful.

And for those times when you feel like you have no hope... no faith...

Just remember my offer... "If you've lost faith, borrow mine."

The Object of Her Displeasure

"You can't understand the seriousness of idolatry without understanding the jealousy of God.  

And you can't understand his jealousy without some understanding of his relentless, 

powerful love for you, because they are intertwined." 

 ~ "Gods at War:  Defeating the Idols that Battle for Your Heart" 

by Kyle Idleman author of "not a fan" 

Jealous Momma

She was ticked.  She kept click-click-clicking.  I looked for a nest but didn't see any.  She was mad.  Territorial.  Jealous.  Since I could not find the object of her displeasure, I continued pruning in my backyard.

Again, click-click-click.  This time she summons a hummingbird.  I am getting a little nervous.  Never having seen the movie "The Birds" but well-knowing what it was about... I pull back and observe the area.  Then I see it.  In the hanging basket above my head.

Object of Her Affection

Four little, tiny blue eggs.  The object of her affection.  She was jealous for these babies.  Ready to scare off any rival.  And it was working.

Not wanting to create an opportunity for abandonment, I left the area so that she might return to her treasure.  But there was no question... because she was not going to abandon these eggs.  They were hers and they would belong to no other.  Not because she didn't want to share them, but she knew that by sharing them... they would die.  It was who she was.  She was the protector of the eggs... and she would fight for their benefit.  For their life.

Refuge Under Her Wings

Finally, she was perched once again on her treasure.  And I wondered to myself why the whole interaction took place.  God, are you speaking to me?  Is there something I am supposed to learn here?

And He reminded me that I had been wondering about what it mean for Him to be a "jealous God" and so He was answering me.  I went into the house and looked up the word "jealous" in the Bible... on Blue Letter Bible.  I soon found out that there were different meanings for the word jealous, but there was one in particular that was used only when describing God.

qanna'- an adjective.  Used only of God.  Used of God not bearing any rival; the severe avenger of departure of himself.  Exodus 20:5, 34:14; Deuteronomy 4:24, 5:9, 6:15.

And I wondered why He would be jealous... but then I realized that He is jealous for me.  Just like that momma bird.  He knows that if I depart from Him that there are dire consequences.  He does not want any rival because He knows I am weak.  I need Him to protect me... to avenge me... if there is one who is tempting me to turn away.   Because apart from Him... I am lost.  I am without boundaries.  Without right or wrong.  Out of His will.  And I have been there... and it ain't pretty.

Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; 

rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me.

Psalm 142:6

And so now, I wait.  Wait for the little birdies to hatch.  And I find comfort... that God is my avenger... and yours, too.

He will cover you with his feathers,
       and under his wings you will find refuge;
       his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
Psalm 91:4 

My Favorite Good Friday

April 2nd, 1999
My Favorite Good Friday


I was three weeks away from giving birth.  After months of pre-postpartum counseling, I was still afraid of the change that was about to occur.  I was about to become a mother.  I was terrified.  FEARFUL.

On that day I attended Good Friday Service at our church. It was a small gathering in the old chapel (which is the current Hospitality Center at our church).  I remember sitting in the back.  And then Communion was served.

As I take communion, I realize that the baby is taking communion, too.  We are taking communion together.   And I think... we will never have this experience... this intimacy, again.

After months of feeling distant from the baby... I suddenly feel as if we have bonded.   We have shared something.   Something intimate and private.

And I thank God for that moment.  That realization.   Something now that is embedded in my heart and soul.

And although... no one else remembers that day or that Good Friday Service or that particular communion, I will... the rest of my life.   It became a remembrance of God's love for me and my baby as we took communion in remembrance of Him.

...and when he had given thanks,
he broke it and said,
"This is my body,
which is for you;
do this in remembrance of me."
In the same way,
after supper he took the cup,
saying, "This cup is
the new covenant in my blood;
do this, whenever you drink it,
in remembrance of me."
1 Corinthians 11:24-25 NIV

Withdrawal Is Not An Option

 Greet one another with a holy kiss. 2 Corinthians 13:12

Ethiopia, photography by Anthony

I was hurt, but I didn't want to gossip, so I let my feelings swirl around in my head.  I convinced myself that she was no longer a safe person for me.  And this was it... I was going to protect myself by withdrawing from the relationship.

But the Lord said no.  I was prompted to write an e-mail.  Lay it on the line.  Not to be harsh, but to be honest.  Withdrawal was not an option.

And so I waited.  Waited for her to respond.  And I thought... she wasn't even responding fast enough for me.

I finally decided to share what had been going on with Anthony.  Surely, he would hear my pain and agree with me, console me.  But he didn't.  He saw right through me.  And questioned why I was assuming the worst.  

Later that day she called... and having heeded Anthony's words, I listened with an open heart.  She explained and I listened.  She apologized and I apologized.  It was a misunderstanding.  A miscommunication that I had let fester in my brain.

But then I heard her hurt... as she wondered why I was uncertain of the fact that she loved me... would never hurt me intentionally... that all of her thoughts and actions towards me were good...  And I was speechless. What had happened? 

As we spoke more we realized that we hadn't been investing as much time in our relationship.  We had neglected it.  Through busyness we justified our distance.  And now we were paying the price.

And it made me think of my relationship with the Lord... and the times when I wonder... Where is He?  Why is He allowing this to happen?  Doesn't He care about me?

I find that when I am pressing deep into Him... I don't question His love for me.  I know it.  It is fresh off the pages of the Bible.  He is for me.

When I start to wonder about God's goodness and intentions, it doesn't take long for me to realize that I have neglected my time with Him.  When I am keeping my thoughts to myself and not bringing them to the light... I sink even deeper.

Gracious.  Thankfully, she was gracious with me.  That day I learned how to handle a situation like this graciously.  Thanks to her.  Thanks to the Lord for prompting me... to not give up on the relationship.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? 

If God is for us, who can be against us? 

He who did not spare his own Son, 

but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, 

along with him, graciously give us all things? 

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 

   

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:31-32; 35; 38-39

And so I will remind myself... when I would want to withdraw... or give up on my relationship with Him... that He is for me... that even when I feel like He is not safe... I will bypass my feelings... and stick my head into His Word... and know that nothing can separate me from His love.

Withdrawal is not an option.

If Only...

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, 

 if only I may finish the race and 

complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—

the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.  

Acts 20:24

"Most of us have what I'll call a prominent false positive: 
one thing that we think would make us more secure in all things.  You want to know how you can pinpoint your own prominent false positive?  The thing you tend to associate more with security?  Think of a person you believe to be secure and determine what earthly thing he or she has that you don't feel like you possess, at least in matching measure.  That's liable to be your prominent false positive: 
the one thing that would make you more secure in all things... Few of us would reason that the weight we're giving to the object or circumstance makes sense intellectually.  It's an emotional thing.  Often we're not even aware of it, but we demonstrate it by the inordinate power we assign to it."
                            ~ Beth Moore, So Long, Insecurity, pages 36-37

Just wondering if any of these might be your "one thing"...

If only I was married...
If only I had children...
If only I could have had more children...
If only I had married someone else...
If only I hadn't gotten pregnant...
If only I lived closer to my family...
If only I could lose the extra weight...
If only my husband wasn't an alcoholic...
If only I wasn't an alcoholic...
If only I could be a stay-at-home mom...
If only I didn't have to deal with depression...
If only my husband was faithful...
If only I could be faithful...
If only I had a best friend...
If only I had more friends...
If only I wasn't lonely...
If only I could make friends at church...
If only the church leadership would see my potential...
If only I would be promoted...
If only I was given a raise...
If only I looked younger...
If only I was younger...
If only I was in shape...
If only I didn't have chronic pain...
If only I could get over him...
If only I had financial security...
If only I was beautiful...
If only I hadn't been sexually abused...
If only I hadn't been neglected as a child...
If only I had a college degree...
If only I knew what God wanted me to do...
If only I was more spiritual...
If only I could meet my own expectations...
If only my children would come back to the Lord...
If only my husband would come back to the Lord...
If only my family didn't embarrass me...
If only the church would help me...
If only I were more like other people...
If only I was emotionally stable at all times of the month...
If only my sister wouldn't judge me...
If only the Bible were easier to read...
If only I lived in a better neighborhood...
If only my home looked like hers...
If only I looked like her...
If only I didn't feel so guilty...
If only I could forget my past...
If only I could please my mother...
If only I didn't care so much...
If only I didn't love so much...
If only I wasn't so sensitive...

If only I wasn't so insecure...

And Abraham said to God, 

"If only Ishmael might live under your blessing!"  

Genesis 17:18

Once again he spoke to him, "What  

if only forty are found there?" 

He said, "For the sake of forty, 

I will not do it."  Genesis 18:29

The Israelites said to them, 

"If only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! 

There we sat around pots of meat and 

ate all the food we wanted, 

but you have brought us out into this desert 

to starve this entire assembly to death." 

Exodus 16:13

"Tell the people: 

'Consecrate yourselves in preparation for tomorrow, 

when you will eat meat. 

The LORD heard you when you wailed, 

"If only we had meat to eat! 

We were better off in Egypt!" 

Now the LORD will give you meat, 

and you will eat it. Numbers 11:18

And Joshua said, "Ah, Sovereign LORD, 

why did you ever bring this people 

across the Jordan to deliver us 

into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us?  

If only we had been content to stay 

on the other side of the Jordan!  Joshua 7:7

He said, "They were my brothers, 

the sons of my mother. As the LORD lives,  

if only you had let them live, 

I would not kill you." Judges 8:19

"If only this people were under my command! 

Then I would get rid of him. 

I would say to Abimelech, 

'Call out your whole army!'" Judges 9:29

And Absalom would add, 

"If only I were appointed judge in the land! 

Then everyone who has a complaint or case 

could come to me and 

I would see that he gets justice." 

2 Samuel 15:4

The king was shaken. He went up to the room 

over the gateway and wept. 

As he went, he said: "O my son Absalom! 

My son, my son Absalom!

If only I had died instead of you—

O Absalom, my son, my son!" 2 Samuel 18:33

If only I had never come into being, 

or had been carried straight 

from the womb to the grave! Job 10:19

If only God would speak; 

if only he would tell you what he thinks! Job 11:5

Their insults have broken my heart,and I am in despair. 

If only one person would show some pity; 

if only one would turn and comfort me. Psalm 69:20 NLT

If only you would slay the wicked, 

O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! 

Psalm 139:13

Martha said to Jesus, “Lord,  

if only you had been here, 

my brother would not have died. John 11:21

But she has decided to wipe the tears away. Reapply her mascara. Get in the car. And drive.

photography by Anthony Kaetzel

She is going tonight.
It is a fight for her.
She would much rather stay home.

But she knows this is good for her.
And perhaps...
Just maybe...
She'll meet someone.

Someone who will make her feel
Included.
Visible.
Befriended.
Not alone.

But as she packs her suitcase...
Tears flood her eyes.
Because she is not sure.
Because she is insecure.

Why would she think
It would be different this time?
That it is worth the risk?

She fears that she will sit alone.
And others will notice, but not reach out.
They will all be content to stay
In their warm cozy cliques.

And she will tell herself...
"See, I told you so.
Enough!
I am not trying anymore."

But she has decided to wipe the tears away.
Reapply her mascara.
Get in the car.
And drive.

She prays silently as she drives.
Asking God for something...
Wondering if it is wrong of her for wanting...
A friend.

And I have been praying for her.
Because I have been her.
And I will be there...
Waiting for her.

And I want her to know
There are others praying for her.
And they will be there...
Waiting for her.

She is going to a women's retreat tonight.
It is a fight for her.
But she will be glad
That she did not stay home.

Am I Saving My Words?

Am I saving my words?

It is often that I speak without thinking.
But I'm wondering...
how often do I think without speaking?

How often have I had the words of life to speak to someone... and yet withheld them?  I'm not just talking about sharing God's eternal plan for salvation which is wholly important and life-giving... I'm talking about encouragement and edification.

Let no unwholesome word
proceed from your mouth,

but only such a word
as is good for edification
according to the need
of the moment,

so that it will give grace
to those who hear.

Ephesians 4:29 NASB

Don't miss this part of the verse... "so that it will give grace to those who hear."  When I am presented with an opportunity to edify or encourage someone at the right timing and I withhold those words... will someone else come along and do the work I was called to do?

Therefore encourage one another
and build each other up,
just as in fact you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV

But encourage one another daily,
as long as it is called Today,
so that none of you may be hardened
by sin's deceitfulness.
Hebrews 3:13 NIV

And let us consider how we may
spur one another on
toward love and good deeds.
Let us not give up meeting together,
as some are in the habit of doing,
but let us encourage one another—
and all the more as
you see the Day approaching.
Hebrews 10:24-25 NIV

And so today, I am compelled to encourage you (and me) to start speaking... encouraging... edifying... and you might be saying, but I'm too shy or I'm too young or I wouldn't know what to say or it's not my place, but I'm wondering... whose place is it?

Could your words be the balm that a hurting soul needs today? Could your words be the inspiration that someone needs to draw closer to the Lord? Could your words be the strength that someone needs to hear?

I've had to ask myself this question, "Am I thinking without speaking?"  And I have to admit that I've been doing a lot of thinking lately... but not a lot of speaking.  And the longer I go without speaking... the harder it is to speak when I know it is needed.

And I thought if I was going to ask myself... I think I'll ask you, too.  Are you thinking without speaking?

The Distinction Between "Lead" and "Leader"

Quote From:  The Polar Express 

Hero Girl: It says "lead." Like "lead balloon." 

Conductor: I believe it also is pronounced "lead." As in "leader," "leadership." "Lead the way." Follow you anywhere, ma'am.

 This is a monthly post on my One Word for 2013:  Lead. 

I want to make the distinction obvious between the fact that I chose the word "Lead" and did not choose the word "Leader" as my One Word for 2013.   I am not in the process of learning how to work my way into a position of leadership.  That does not appeal to me.  What I am learning is how to lead those who "follow" me.  Those who are watching me or my family.  How we do life.  Those I am mentoring or discipling or teaching.  Those who come along for a brief moment in time and ask for insight, prayer, acceptance and/or discernment or those who join us for the long haul in this thing called life.

Leadership comes in all shapes and sizes.  A majority of the time... it just happens.  Often there is no structure or exact moment.  Recently while doing the study Anonymous:  Jesus' hidden years and yours I came across something that seemed to fit what I am focusing on... submission-based authority.  The leadership or authority that most of us are familiar with is based either on position or possession.  Position-based authority can look like the name pastor or doctor or general or teacher or director.  Possession-based authority looks like, "It's my ball, so I get to make the rules."  But submission-based authority looks like "the submitted heart, mind, and spirit of Jesus." 

Jesus' authority flowed not from possessions or positions but from submission.  What was the surprising source of Jesus' authority?  Submission to his Father's will and Word.

Throughout the temptation [of Christ], Jesus reaffirmed with every "It is written"  the same decision he had been making quietly in the unapplauded places over uncelebrated years during his previous thirty hidden chapters of life:   I will live in submission to my Father's will and Word.

Over the years, Jesus' consistent choice to submit to his Father God's will and Word clustered and built momentum as he stepped out of his anonymous season and into the waters of the Jordan River.  There, the Holy Spirit descended not on talent, title, or wordly possesions but upon the submitted heart, mind, and spirit of Jesus.  ~Alicia Britt Chole, Anonymous:  Jesus' hidden years... and yours.

This is truly my focus. 
With or without position. 
With or without possession. 
Whether I lead or follow.  
Submitting to my Heavenly Father's will and Word. 

He must become greater; I must become less.  John 3:30 NIV84

This is a monthly post on my One Word for 2013:  Lead. 
I am linking up with Melanie at ONLYABREATH
for her {february} monthly one word linkup party.  

What's your One Word?  Maybe it is time to link-up!

Hodgepodge - Lentperiment

1.  This week marks the beginning of Lent...will you be giving something up or adding anything to your life during this season of the year?

Just today one of the gals I mentor sent me a text that asked if I would be doing the 40 Day Prayer Challenge with Mark Batterson over Lent.  Last year, I joined the Experilent and really gained from the experience.  This year he is calling it Lentperiment.  I just finished The Circle Maker, so I am ready to keep it going.  Can't wait to find out more about it on Wednesday. 

2. The day before Lent is Shrove Tuesday... tradition states you eat pancakes on this day. In some parts of the world Shrove Tuesday is actually known as 'pancake day'. How do you like your pancakes? Or don't you?

What?  I missed it?  A holiday that condones eating pancakes?  I will need to catch up on all the years I've missed!

3.  I'm sure there are many, but what's one love song you really love?

The song that was sung at our wedding 25 years ago on August 27th, 1988. 

Security by Leon Patillo

When a man has found a wife,
he has found a good thing for his life,

And the woman will agree:
companionship has made her feel so complete.

With you and me, and the Lord up above,
we have security,
We have security.

You fill my life with so much joy,
I can't even remember how I was before,

And though sometimes we disagree,
you still know that I love you, and you love me.

With you and me, and the Lord up above,
we have security,
We have security.

What God has joined together, let no man put asunder,
Nothing can separate you from me,

I worship and adore you, put no one else before you,
This is my vow to you, my love, through all eternity.

And now, at last, I understand:
our love was made in Heaven, before the worlds began,

And, as we dream as lovers do,
pray that all we hope for will come true.

With you and me, and the Lord up above, we have security,
With you and me, and the Lord up above, we have security,
We have security.

We have security,
With you and me, and the Lord up above,
We have security.

4.  What are some things you do to let others know you love them?

Sometimes a smile and a hug can be a lot of love!

5.  Roses...red, pink, or do you prefer another color? Can you recall the last time someone gave you flowers? Given your choice would you like to open the door and see a dozen red roses, a dozen purple tulips, or a dozen pink peonies?

My rose color has always been yellow, but I will take any color!
A couple weeks ago, my husband and I were walking into the grocery store and he grabbed a bouquet of flowers for me.  I felt the love!
Pink peonies.

6.  President's Day will be celebrated in America next Monday. Does US Presidential history and trivia interest you?  Many Presidential homes are open to the public and offer guided tours...Monticello (Jefferson's home), Mount Vernon (Washington's home), Montpelier (James Madison's home), Hyde Park (FD Roosevelt's home) and The White House (home to the sitting President) to name just a few. Of those listed which would you be most interested in touring?  Why?

I do find US Presidential history and trivia to be fascinating.  And I would love to visit any of those homes.  I have already toured The White House, but would do so gladly, again.

7.  Are you good at keeping secrets?

I'd tell you, but then I'd have to...

8.  Insert your own random thought here.

I revealed one of my beauty secrets today.  The gal thought it was funny, but it's TRUE. 
If I feel that my eyebrows have gotten totally unruly, I will let my hair be a bit of a mess.  That way people will look at my hair and think, "Wow!  Sheri really should put more time into doing something with her hair." As opposed to, "Wow!  Sheri really should mow her unibrow."  

Spiritual Growth: Linear vs. Spiral

I spoke to a precious gal at my church the other day who is interested in getting a mentor.  (I help pair mentors and mentorees at my church.) But she quietly and politely asked for a mentor who would be "okay" with the fact that she wasn't going to be able to change too quickly.  That they wouldn't mind having to ask the same questions and not shame her into rushing through the growth that she longs for... and it reminded me of something I learned last year:

Most of us expect our spiritual growth to be linear. (See graphic above.)  

    We have "a" weakness.
                                      We deal with it.
                                                                We are done with it.
                            If that weakness happens to appear, again, ??a??
                  We determine that we never really dealt with it.
          That we are still weak.
    That we haven't made any progress.  At all.
And just, perhaps, we are even moving backwards.

But what if we considered that our spiritual growth is more like an upward spiral coil.  Where we are constantly growing and maturing in our faith.  And as we grow upward, we learn something "a" and we continue to spiral upward in our faith.  But when we revisit "a" again we realize that we are actually dealing with it, but at a different level.  And perhaps God brings us through it for another visit to refine us or make us complete in our journey.  Who knows... perhaps even to help someone else.

For me, I can experience this with my depression.  If I looked at my spiritual growth as linear, each time that I experienced my depression, I would think that I didn't deal with it properly the first time.  Or that I will never really overcome it.  But if I look at it in the light of the upward spiral growth, I would see that each time I have a bout with depression thanks-be-to-God it is less severe and does not last as long and I use what I have learned previously to help me through it.

This could apply to addictions.  Or perhaps loneliness.  Or gossip.  Or any area of weakness.  As a mentor I need to see this in my mentorees.  And I need to see this in myself.  Knowing that God is constantly refining us.  Constantly growing us.  

I pray that these visuals help you if you struggle with wondering if you are truly maturing in your relationship with Christ.  Stay in the Scriptures.  Continue to Pray.  Fellowship with other believers.  Memorize or meditate on scripture.  Take a Bible Study.  Or who knows... find a godly mentor who will help you along the way as you seek to be more like Christ in your daily life.

"We ought always to thank God for you, brothers, and rightly so,

because your faith is growing more and more, 

and the love every one of you has for each other is increasing."  

2 Thessalonians 1:3 NIV84

Now, Don't Get Me Wrong... I Love Me Some Cotton Candy...

Winter Water Falls. 
Photography by Anthony Kaetzel

But Moses said, “O Lord, 
please send someone else to do it.”  
Exodus 4:13 NIV

"Blogging is passé."

I was startled by the statement.   Is it really?   Because I just thought I was getting the hang of this whole blogging thing.  And what will I do if I don't blog?  Hmmm.... actually... it might be a relief.

But for now... I blog.

I have often asked, "O, Lord, please send someone else to do it."  Send someone else to write this or that post.  Sometimes I feel inadequate.  Okay, lots of times.   Or frustrated.  Some posts I struggle to write... some come easily.   Some reveal my faults... and some posts seem a bit braggadocios.

Blogging has been somewhat dangerous to me.  A bit tempting.  I found myself in words Alicia Britt Chole wrote in Anonymous...

"...I craved affirmation and longed to be spoken of in superlatives...

Through his Word and his people, he revealed how vulnerable it made me to the power of others praise, my own prideful perfectionism, and a whole host of other unpleasant spiritual ailments...

Man's praise is like cotton candy --sugar-laden and insubstantial... For my spiritual health, I had to make a change...

Once we have known an addiction to man's praise, shifting our diet from finding value in man's acceptance to finding value in God's acceptance does not happen in a matter of days. It is a process we revisit though out our lifetimes. Thank God for hidden years! In those underestimated seasons, when no one shows up to decorate us with praise, life is finally bare enough for us to notice that God's adoring eyes have always been upon us. We had his attention all along. We just could not see it because we were too distracted by the sight of ourselves."

And so, I have found that blogging has been good for my soul.  Good for my relationship with the Lord.  Good for my desire to know God in a more intimate way.   Choosing to be obedient to Him... whether I want to or not... knowing that others may be reading... or not.  But coming to a place where I am finding my significance in Him.

He humbled you, causing you to hunger and
then feeding you with manna,
which neither you nor your fathers had known,
to teach you that man does not live on bread alone
but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.
Deuteronomy 8:3 NIV

Now, don't get me wrong... I love me some cotton candy...

SUPER Hodgepodge

 

1.  In the USA this coming Sunday millions will be watching as the Baltimore Ravens take on the San Francisco 49's in the Superbowl.  What was the last event you attended that could be described as super?

Well, if we are talking SPORT related, then it was a NASCAR race in Fontana, California.  Before the race, we got to walk around the pits and on the speedway.  It was so interesting to see all the details behind the scenes.   

2.  Share something you're a fan of these days?

Portland Timbers MLSoccer.  Portland Trailblazers Basketball.  Baltimore Ravens Football.  Dallas Cowboys Football.  Soon it will be College Basketball March Madness... we pick our brackets for fun.

3. How do you feel about wings?  In case anyone is confused, I'm talking the edible appetizer kind.  What's your preferred seasoning on a wing-hot, mild, teryiaki, sweet and sour, other?  Do you make your own or is there a favorite place you like to go for wings?   

Not a fan of wings.

4.  As long as we're talking sports today...have you followed the Lance Armstrong story?  Did you watch his interview with Oprah and if so what was your reaction to his confession and subsequent remarks?  

I didn't watch the interview... I feel like I didn't need to because a lot of the information was all over the web.  I guess I'm a little sad about the cyclists who didn't win the Tour de France because Lance cheated, but my husband tells me that everyone was doping.  Who knows what to believe anymore?

5.  What's a question you hate to be asked?  

Gee... I really just want to stick with the "sports" theme here, so I guess it would be, "Anyone can walk a half-marathon.  Why not run it?"

 

6. The coaches in this Sunday's big game happen to be real life brothers.  Jim Harbaugh coaches the 49er's and his older brother John Harbaugh coaches the Baltimore Ravens.  Were you and your sibling(s) competitive?  In what way? Are you still?  If you're an only child how did you handle competition growing up?  

I have an older sister.  If we were competitive it was in academics, but she had a head start on me.  

7.  What's your favorite game involving a ball and when did you last play?  

Probably SkeeBall when I was on vacation in Ocean City, Maryland this summer.  :)

8.  Insert your own random thought here.

I will be rooting for the Baltimore Ravens this Sunday.  I was born in Baltimore.  (I am a Baltimoron!)  I still remember when John Elway was picked to play for the Baltimore Colts and he pouted and screamed and ended up at his beloved Denver Broncos.  So for me it was SWEET to watch the Ravens beat the Broncos!  And I'll never forget the huge moving vans that stole away the Baltimore Colts in the middle of the night while it was snowing.  So glad Baltimore has a football team... too bad they were stolen from Cleveland...

Nurture: Bridging The Gap

As I embark on a new adventure of leading the ladies' mentoring program at my church, I was reminded of this post I wrote on Monday, August 30, 2010.  It is such a joy to remember how it all began for me... and to see the two beautiful women who started it all as they continue to grow and touch lives around them.  (Also, for those of you going through The Bait of Satan Series authored by John Bevere, Lisa is his wife.)

Nurture:  Bridging The Gap
Monday, August 30th, 2010

Burnside Bridge, Antietam Battlefield

Sharpsburg, Maryland

We are heartsick and in need of intimate, safe connections 
so we can in turn heal and help others. 
~ Nurture by Lisa Bevere 

"Why me?  Why would two precious young moms ask me to mentor them? And what exactly does that mean?  Is a mentor like a coach?  Is there a class I could take to learn how to be a mentor?  What about a book?"

These were my thoughts last summer.  I had shared my home and heart with these two sisters through Bible Study.  They were anxious to have a deeper walk with the Lord... and there was something they saw in me that might help them along that path.  I was clueless about mentoring, but I knew I wanted this opportunity to be used by the Lord, so I accepted their invitation.

Stumbling along without help from a book or class, I began meeting with them one-on-one.  Learning more about who they are... how I could come alongside them... and basically just listening and encouraging.  I noticed that a lot of my mentoring had to do with affirmation or offering perspective.  And love and sharing life and hugs.

It is an honor to see these women grow in the Lord.  As they touch the lives of those around them.  As they dig deeper into the Word.  As they love and pray for their families.  They have so much God-given potential... it is a gift to be part of their inner circle and to be called their friend and mentor.

Still, I wanted a formula.  Perhaps a workbook.  I wanted to make sure I was doing it right.  I didn't want to let them down.  So, one of my goals this year was to learn more about mentoring.  And God was faithful to bring a resource into my life... through a woman who I consider to be my blogging mentor, Elaine Olsen at peace for the journey.

As I was passing through Elaine's profile page back in May to get to her blog (although I normally get there through bloglines), I saw a list of her favorite books.  Nurture by Lisa Bevere caught my eye. I had just minutes before been on my local public library's website looking for mentoring books.  I saw the cover of Nurture on the library's website but flew right past it. I about fell over when I clicked on her profile... saw Nurture... searched for it... and saw the exact SAME cover. I immediately went back to the library website and reserved it.  I contacted Elaine and told her the story and she said...

I'll one up you on this one... I have a spare copy of Nurture that I was saving for the right moment... that moment has come. It will be in the mail to you tomorrow! I LOVE that book. I think there's also a study to go with...

So I have been reading Nurture by Lisa Bevere over the summer.  Lisa Bevere focuses on mentors who nurture... almost more like a spiritual mother.  And as I read through the book, I realized that through my nurturing I had been mentoring all along. 

In the meanwhile, God had brought me alongside a friend this summer who had been asked to oversee an upcoming mentoring program at our church.  Through prayer it was confirmed that I should join her as she begins this new adventure!  It is just a confirmation of how important it is to pray and then watch.  Looking to see where and how God is working.  He always seems to answer prayers abundantly more than I even ask.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord... 

Jeremiah 29:11a